All By Myself

My second bus home appears at the stop about a minute late. It's jam-packed with raw humanity, but as this is a major transfer point, about 2/3 of the passengers spill out, like sand from a broken jar.

As I board, I notice a man who had been forced to stand near the front takes the only (newly) empty 2-seat bench for himself, so I join him in hopes that the rest of his bus ride is short and he'll soon disembark himself, leaving me the seat all by myself.

Then, at the next stop, another half of the current passengers get off and another bench is emptied. I spring into it, abandoning my previous plan.

There's something about me which makes me the last person anybody wants to sit with on a bus. No matter if it's an old woman, a young lady, a teenage boy, a middle-aged man... they all opt not to sit with me, a 30-something white guy. Here's what I think they're thinking when they see me:

• Old woman: "Ooh, he looks far too handsome to want to sit next to an old lady like me."
• Young lady: "Like, if I sit next to him, he is so going to hit on me. Whatever!"
• Teenage boy: "That dude is lame."
• Middle-aged man: "If I sit next to him, I'm going to be reminded how young I'm not."

Some days this irks me; today it does not, so I decide to make the most of my solitude. But eventually the bus does fill up, and finally the person who sits with me... is a 30-something white guy.

Very funny.

There's my stop.